Sunday, November 23, 2008

You know you're Filipino when....

When you are trying to connect with Filipinos, it is helpful to know a bit about them and their culture. This joke is an exaggeration of what Filipinos are like, but they are partly true. It is up to you to figure out how to use this to your advantage when trying to make your Filipina smile...

You know You're Filipino When....

You point with your lips

You eat with your hand and have it down as a technique

Your other piece of luggage is a "Balikbayan Box"

You nod your head upwards to greet someone

You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbows on your knees while you eat

You kiss relatives on the cheek when you enter the room

You're standing next to eight big boxes at the airport

You smile for no reason

You go to department stores and try bargain with the price

You scratch your head when you don't know the answer

You never eat the last morsel of food on the table

You play pusoy or mahjong

You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun

You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "Excuse, Excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV

Your middle name is your mom's maiden name

Your perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees

You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for events

You always offer food to your visitors

You put your arm on the other person's shoulder if he or she is a close friend of yours

You draw a rectangle in the air when asking for the bill, which never fails to baffle the restaurant staff

You don't sit on the bowl in public toilets, no matter what part of town or if your thighs ache like hell; and you flush the toilet with your feet

You think 'tuck out' is the opposite of 'tuck in'

You show up late for work and your excuse is 'I forgot to on the alarm' or better yet 'traffic eh'

Brushing your teeth after lunch in the office lavatory is an unbreakable habit, even if your colleagues can't bear touching the taps after you've drooled and spat all over them

Namedropping is your favorite sport when you meet up with new acquaintances from back home

You fight noisily with Cathay Pacific check-in staff over the size of handcarried luggage-which could be anything from oversized suitcases to major appliances

You underdeclare your income when you pay Phil tax, even if it's peculiar that a consultant is paid little more than a domestic helper's wages At Immigration, when they call out 'Maria', you and 46 other women stand up

You think taking a shower and taking a bath are the same thing

You use shopping bags as garbage bags You think eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal

You order breakfast items like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants

You always grab a toothpick after each meal

You order a 'soft drink' instead of soda

You dip bread in your morning coffee

You refer to seasonings and all forms of MSG as 'Ajinomoto'

Your cupboard is full of corned beef hash, spam and vienna sausage

You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice

You bring your 'baon' to work everyday

Your 'baon' is usually something over rice

Goldilocks means more to you than a fairy tale character (bakery)

You wash and re-use plastic utensils and styrofoam cups

You eat purple Yam flavored ice cream (ube)

You know that 'chocolate meat' isn't really made with chocolates

You think half-hatched duck eggs (balut) are a delicacy

You have an ice shaver for making 'halo-halo'

Your cloth tablecloths have telltale 'tuyo' circles on them

You have to have a bottle of Jufran handy

You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice

Neighbors complain about the smell of 'tuyo' on Sunday mornings

You fry Spam and hotdogs and eat them with rice

You eat rice for breakfast

You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer

Your buy ketchup made from bananas and named after alien spaceships

You've eaten hotdogs made from worse things than lips and ass

You put hotdogs in your spaghetti

You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries

You know the meaning of double dead egg. double dead chicken

The pasalubong you want from Manila is cornik, which you snack on eight times a day in the office

Your idea of a diet is a diet coke with a McDonald's meal

You serve coffee in small glass coffee containers

You drink beer with ice

You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.

You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.

When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved out.

Your stove is covered with aluminum foil.

Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.

You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.

You have never used your dishwasher.

You eat all meals in the kitchen.

You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

You always leave your shoes at the door.

You have a piano in your living room.

You play a musical instrument.

You pick your teeth at the dinner table (but you cover your mouth).

You twirl your pen around your fingers.

You hate to waste food....
(a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.
(b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get take out or go to McDonald's.

Ditto for paper napkins.

You never order room service.

You own a rice cooker.

You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself.

You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or law.

When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool.

You live with your parents and you are 30 years old (and hey they prefer it that way). Or if you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.

Your parents' house is always cold.

You reuse teabags.

Your mom drives her Mercedes to the Price Club.

You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Information costs 50 cents.

You only make long distance calls after 11 pm.

You have acquired a taste for bittermelon (ampalaya).

You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.

You always cook too much.

If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

You e-mail your friends at work, even though you are only 10 feet apart.

Your parents send money to their relatives in the Philippines.

You're always late.

You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table.

You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.

You never discuss your love life with your parents.

Your parents are never happy with your grades.

You save your old Coke bottle glasses even though you're never going to use them again.

You keep used batteries.

Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.

Your relatives either work in medicine or real estate.

You take this message and forward it to all your Filipino friends.

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